Dear Mom and Dad

I attended a wedding last weekend. During the reception, the DJ invited all married couples to join the bride and groom on the dance floor, and then slowly dismissed couples based on how long they have been married; exit the dance floor if you’ve been married less than 6 hours…less than 5 years…less than 20 years…less than 40. As we danced, my mind wandered to previous weddings; weddings where our family has been present; weddings where Nana and OG stayed on the floor until they called 65 years (it’s now over 70); and weddings where you two are often one of the last 3 or 4 couples out there.

Today, you have been married for 40 years! I’m proud of you for many things, but this might take the cake. In a world that is so focused on the next best thing, to stay committed to one person for so many years, through trials and tribulations, is a feat worth celebrating.

At my wedding to Allison, my vows were simple. They can be summed up as “All I know about marriage is that marriage is hard, and marriage is awesome. I promise not to quit when it’s hard so we can keep finding the amazing parts”.

That confidence in how wonderful marriage can be comes from you. And yes, the knowledge that marriage can be really hard also comes from you. But, you’ve set the example for how to work through the hard times in order to keep building a marriage that only gets better with time.

I have vague memories of some of the hard times. I was young, and have no idea what issues you were facing, but I remember you dedicating yourselves to working it out. You weren’t afraid to ask for help when you needed it, and you committed to your relationship with simple things like regular date nights to make sure you were working on you two, not just raising me.

But, what I remember more than any of that is the way you have supported each other through the years. You each have independent lives that you are committed to, and you are each committed to supporting the other in their pursuits. Before I even showed up, you had each followed the other across the country multiple times, supporting your ongoing education and your career opportunities. Throughout my life, I saw examples of you standing up for each other, helping the other work through a tough challenge, advocating for each other, and being the other’s number one fan. And that continues today, perhaps more than ever before.

Perhaps the most important example that parents can set for their children is how to be loving and kind. And despite the love that you show to other people, nothing matters more than the demonstration of kindness that you give each other, each and every day. And while maybe it didn’t seem like it, and maybe it wasn’t conscious on my part, I was watching. And lucky for me, you set an example that I’m proud to try and emulate.

Happy 40th wedding anniversary, mom and dad! Here’s to 40 more 🙂